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My random thought for today…

Lately I’ve had to stop and do a lot of soul-searching. With so many things happening in my life and in society in general, it’s sometimes difficult to keep a good perspective.

Simply put, life can be frustrating, at times.

As humans, I think we all sometimes fall into the black hole of feeling sorry for ourselves, now and then. It’s times like that that make us stop and take inventory of what we have in our lives that’s truly good and right.

A few years ago, I was in that hole. In fact, I spent many years in it. Oh, stop… this isn’t an ‘Oh Pity me’ story. Really. It’s a story saying ‘hey… I did it! I REALLY did it!’

The hole I’m talking about is a very dark place we send ourselves when we think we can’t change our lives. That what we have might be okay, but it’s not WONDERFUL!! It’s not everything our hearts desire. What did I desire so much?

I desired to be ME.

Yup…. that’s it. Just me. You see… I knew all my life that I was very different. When the other girls in the class were Ooo-ing and Ahhh-ing over The Bionic Man or Luke Duke, I had a crush on The Bionic Woman and Daisy Duke. Yup. I really did.

And, I knew it was ‘not right’ in society’s eyes. So… I hid it and pretended to be something I’m not. Because of that, I spent many years in a dark, not-so-nice place.

Why am I going on about this? Because of this… a few years ago I came out. I realized who I was and who I needed to be to be happy. Not because it was my chosen lifestyle, but because it chose me. It WAS me. And, to be truly happy, like millions of others in the world, I had to follow my heart. It was a long, difficult road and I never thought I’d get there. But I did it… I found it.

Okay.. now you’re asking what this has to do with tattoos. Right? Well…
A few years ago, after ‘finding myself’, I found myself in a tattoo salon with some friends. They were there to get new tattoos. I was just there for ‘moral support’. But, after wandering through the pages of Japanese Kanji (scripts) I found myself, again. I found something that grabbed me and said ‘Hey! This IS you! This is what got you through your darkness, and WILL get you through anymore that comes around.”

It was a simple symbol. Nice. Subtle. Clear. It was — SPIRIT.

I got that tattoo that day. I still wear it with pride in a spot that only I and my partner get to see. And I look at it every day and remember ‘I can get through whatever life brings me. I’ve got the spirit to do it.’

That, and I’ve got a partner who loves me dearly, through the good and bad, sickness and health. Everything! That also helps.

I have a lot on my plate right now, and sometimes it just feels overwhelming. But, when I start to feel sorry for myself I look at my wife, Jude, and remember all that’s good and right in my life. And, my Spirit soars!

Why do I keep torturing you with these ‘ramblings’? Because I believe that we all have that ’spirit’ to find ourselves in life and to get us through the dark times. Dig down deep and find that spirit you need to get you through it. If I can find it, so can everyone else.

That’s just my random through for the day.

Peace out!
Jules

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 26th, 2005 at 7:19 am and is filed under Random Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.